We had another real Housewives double-header last night, with real Housewives of Orange county making its eight season debut before the second part of the real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. I was anxious that the reunion need to be incredibly boring if they were hiding it behind the OC premiere instead of giving the episode its own week, which a lot of reunions have for at least one of their segments. Neither of Beverly Hills’ two parts had that leisure, and unfortunately, it was because nothing much interesting was said.
The OC premiere was a little a lot more successful, mostly because Vicky is still a stark, raving lunatic who has now inserted foreign objects into her face. a lot of of the rest of the premiere felt like a mid-season episode, which might bode poorly for the enjoyment value of the season to come. Still, let’s have a recap. That’s what I’m here for.
1. Vicky had a chin implant. For the love of everything holy, if I had made a list of cosmetic procedures I thought might improve Vicky’s facial appearance, a chin implant would not have been in the top 30. If I’ve learned anything from living in a neighborhood with lots of rich older women who have had odd plastic surgery, it’s that implants and injectables are bad, modest lifts are good. instead of getting a facelift, which is really all that Vicky would have needed if she was unhappy with her loose skin, she just tried to fill the loose skin with random junk.
2. Vicky broke up with Brooks. Så du vet. One good decision, one bad decision. Par for the course, nearly literally.
3. Or did she break up with Brooks? a lot more TO COME.
4. Tamra and Eddie have moved in together and did start a fitness studio. There’s trouble in paradise, though, because Eddie doesn’t want Tamra to wear her shoes on the carpet. Don’t let the man get you down, Tamra.
5. Brianna had her baby. Vicky’s now a grandma, which will no doubt inspire a half dozen a lot more ill-advised cosmetic procedures. Also, I’m pretty sure she had pipe cleaners glued to her eyelids for her interviews instead of fake lashes. Unrelated, but still worth noting.
6. Tamra and Vicky still hate each other and everyone still hates Alexis. Or at least Tamra, Gretchen and Heather hate her, which might as well be everybody. For the record, I still hate Alexis too, even though I think she looks great without all her fake hair.
7. earth Jesus thinks he’s an art connoisseur. That’s it, that’s the joke.
8. Alexis thinks that if she keeps saying she got bullied, it’ll eventually be true. Sure, the women weren’t incredibly great to her, but all the stuff they said in Costa Rica last year was stuff that someone needed to say to Alexis. She is a shallow, materialistic faux-snob who acts better than everyone else out of the transparently insecure hope that maybe, someday, people will believe her. trying to alert someone to their own bad behavior, however indelicately, is not bullying.
9. Heather put Tamra and Vicky across from each other at her dinner party. That’s a incredibly amateur hostess mistake – if two people don’t get along, you put them on the same side of the table, but with at least one person between them. maybe Heather wants someone to get forcibly drowned in her new pool, though.
10. Do we like any of these women? toward the end of the episode when they were setting up the fights for next week, it struck me that I don’t think I have much, if any, genuine affection for any individual on this cast. Vicky is a dumpster fire of a human being. Tamra is funny, but craven and mean. Gretchen’s just on the show to push her various poorly conceived product lines. Alexis has a great new haircut, and that’s the only positive thing I can say about her. If Heather says “champs” one a lot more time, I’ll hunt her down and personally throttle her. In all the other versions of this series, there are people for whom I root in spite of their faults. In the OC, I just want to enjoy the world burn.
And now for the reunion…
1. Kyle tried to gloss over the difficulties in Adrienne’s marriage but Lisa wouldn’t let her finish her story. Kyle’s been team Adrienne all season, of coure, and when Andy asked about their marriage, she started in with the normal platitudes about how she thought their bickering was charming and normal for them, but Lisa cut in and said that, actually, things have been bad for a while and Paul had moved out before. Clearly, there are future commissions to be had from Adrienne and Paul, so Kyle’s still walking the company line.
2. pretty much all of the Housewives seem to think that Adrienne’s using her personal chef to plant bad things about Paul in the press. It certainly lends credence to what Brandi and Lisa have been saying all season about Bernie’s involvement, and not even Kyle spoke up to contradict the speculation that Bernie was making false abuse allegations against Paul and that Adrienne was likely on board med det. Jag har alltid varit fast i min tro att Taylor verkligen och kontinuerligt misshandlades av Russell, och jag är lika säker på att Paul inte gjorde samma sak mot Adrienne. Ingenting om deras relationsdynamik visar några varningstecken, och till skillnad från Taylor finns det ingen dokumenterad medicinsk historia av skador eller incidenter. Om resten av rollen har rätt, kan Adrienne vara den värsta personen vi någonsin har haft på Real Housewives. Det finns lite lägre än att göra felaktiga anklagelser om missbruk. Det är som falskt rapporterar en våldtäkt; Ligger gör det bara mycket svårare för riktiga offer att tas på allvar och få sina angripare åtalade.
3. Kim kanske eller inte har haft poop på kudden. Jag kände att vi glansade över den här – var kom bågen ifrån? Varför medgav Kim till synes att det fanns poop? Vad är historien runt bågen? Prata om att begrava leden här, Bravo.
4. OK, så det sades dåligt, men jag får det som Brandi sa om Kyle och Kims nykterhet. Nej, jag tror inte att Kyle “hoppas” för att Kim kommer att misslyckas. Jag tror att Kyle regelbundet försöker påminna sig själv om att något kan gå fel, eftersom hon har haft sin syster självförstörelse i årtionden och att få henne hopp för en 100% framgångsrik återhämtning måste verka som en hemsk emotionell risk. Jag skyller inte på Kyle för att ha försökt temperera hennes förväntningar, och jag tror att det kan komma över som Kyle är ointresserad av Kims ansträngningar och kanske till och med önskar att hon skulle skynda sig och misslyckas och komma över det. Jag tror inte att det är vad det faktiskt är, och jag tror att Brandi måste ha tänkt på det lite svårare innan hon sa det, men jag kan se var den generaliserade känslan skulle komma ifrån och varför Kyle skulle agera på det sättet.
5. Paul hatar inte längre Brandi, men Adrienne gör det fortfarande. Paul brydde sig åtminstone att filma ett litet uttalande för återföreningen, vilket är mycket mer än vi kan säga för hans ex-fru, som tydligen hoppas att vi alla kommer att glömma att hon finns men ändå får sina hemska skor och motbjudande smaksatt vodka.
6. Kyle och Mauricios fastighetsmaskiner blir allt mer öppna. Även medan Mauricio hävdade att han och Kyle inte smörde upp Adrienne och Paul i Buy för att få tillhandahållandet när de sålde sitt hus, kunde han inte låta bli att skryta med att när han fick listan sålde han den på två veckor . Verkligt övertygande där, ni. Jag menar att Bravo klippte ut den del där Mauricio distribuerade sitt servicekort till alla vid återföreningsskottet.